


Philipp Isn't Getting Paid Enough for This

by feverpitch



Category: Football RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Drabble, Gen, German National Team, sassy captain philipp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-02
Updated: 2013-12-02
Packaged: 2018-01-03 07:32:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feverpitch/pseuds/feverpitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Die Mannschaft travels, Captain Philipp is in charge of rooming assignments. Bastian surely doesn't make it easy for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Philipp Isn't Getting Paid Enough for This

   Captain Philipp was always in charge of hotel rooming assignments, and it was not a job anyone envied. No matter how hard you tried, you always became someone’s least favorite at the end of the list reading. There has been bribes, blackmail, begging... Philipp had seen it all in his years as the German National Team’s number one. And yet, it always came down to the judgement call: Who was the least likely to kill each other when placed in the same room for multiple nights on end after intense workouts and little sleep? 

   The verdict was read, and the lamp-lit pitch was suddenly alive with a chorus of softly breathed curses, loud groans, whoops of joy, high fives, and hate-filled glares. The pint-sized captain winced. You can’t make everyone happy.

   After telling the team off to bed, Philipp turned on his heel to make his way back to the bus. He needed his beauty sleep, after all. However, he was stopped before he could board by a large body blocking his path.

   It would be Bastian.

   “No. Absolutely not,” Philipp commanded, trying to step around the- what color was his hair these days?- a spiky platinum blonde. How ridiculous. But Bastian easily and athletically moved back in front of him, barring his way once more.

   “Please, Philipp...” he begged, tilting his head to the side and frowning.

   “Basti, if I were to make an exception for you, it’s going to be disastrous for me. I’ll be murdered in my sleep by the other guys. You can’t be special.”

   “...”

   “Stop doing that thing with your lip.”

   “...”

   “Are you seriously pouting right now? Let me on the damn bus, Schweinsteiger!”

   “Not until you put me with Lukas.”

   “You’re insufferable.”

   “Your life will be if I have to sleep next to Neuer. He snores like an idiot. Do you really want that for me? Do you, Philipp? Do you want me to get zero hours of sleep for this entire trip? Because I’m totally not cranky at all when I’ve lost sleep.”

   “I’m detecting a bit of sarcasm.”

   “Good.”

   Philipp sighed and rubbed his temples. He just wanted to go to bed after a long day of training, and the thought of an even longer day tomorrow.

   “If I say yes, will you let me on the bus?”

   Bastian was already nodding vigorously before the sentence was even over.

   “Two more rules!”

   Bastian probably had whiplash by now.

   “One: Don’t tell a soul that I caved in to you. I can’t risk my reputation as all powerful captain, and I can’t have everyone coming up and whining at me. And two: If I find out that you two were running around the lobby at some ungodly hour, or messed with Thomas’s phone alarms again, or were prank calling room service to have them send alcohol to Löw’s room... I swear on the crest that you two will never, ever see each other again outside of the pitch. Am I clear?” 

   “Crystal. We promise!” Bastian yelled, already galloping away towards the bus like a gangly, golden puppy. Philipp shook his head and sighed. He was practically a babysitter for the best athletes in the world. How horrifically humbling. 

   Shouts of _Poldi! Poldi! Guess what!_ could already be heard, muffled through the thick glass windows of the bus. The bastard had already broken rule number one. 

   Philipp dropped his head into his hands.

   “I’m not getting paid enough for this,” he muttered.


End file.
